Good Intent

Apologies for the absence. I haven't really had anything to say.

I haven't been up to much. I ran into Evelyn again on monday- I was loitering around Albert Park and I found her with her kids. She lives nearby, apparently. I didn't stop to talk to her. Frankly, although she's pleasant enough, I don't trust her. He That Is has a bit of a history with sending female proxies after me, which is honestly a little insulting and also pointless. Proximity to He That Is does a real number on your libido, I think. Most of the proxies I knew back then, the ones that had been proxies over puberty or for a long time, weren't really interested. Also, I've seen back the trick before, trying it again is rather stupid.

I am probably going to die a virgin. I can't really bring myself to care. There are a lot of things I will never get to do, or be. There's no point dwelling on them now.

I am twenty-nine next month. It's just another number, really. I've never really done birthdays. I usually go and buy myself a piece of fudge from the shop up the road and eat it while watching Monty Python, just to commemorate living to see another year.

I wish I could help people, like I wanted to. Still want to. But in New Zealand, there's nobody I can really do anything for. I don't have the funds to go anywhere else.

A word of advice, though. The only people I know who really "won" against the monster were Vivi and Chester, and they don't remember. The ultimate fuck-you to the monster is to be happy. To keep living despite what's happening.

I try to take my own advice, with the best of intentions, but the fact that my life as it stands is pretty much defined by It is not really helping.