I went for a walk yesterday, and when I came home there was a woman leaning against the fence. She looked incongruous against the dilapidated fence and overgrown yard, reapplying her lipstick with scarcely a glance at me. I thought she was just a passer-by, so I didn't spare her a second glance.
"Where's your mask?" she asked when I walked past her. I shrugged and didn't respond, taking my keys out from around my neck and unlocking the door. I don't make a habit of talking to attractive women or proxies, as both are rather dangerous, and this woman was definitely attractive and probably a proxy, which made her at least twice as dangerous.
"You're going to invite me in for coffee." she said. She didn't say it like a request, or an order. She said it like it was a certain thing, an inevitability. She was assured, certain that I was going to do as she had said.
I turned around and told her "I don't drink coffee." before I went inside, locking the door and barring it behind me.
She stood outside my house for an hour, looking for all the world like a lost puppy, before she left. I found a note in my letterbox later that day with a time (11 this morning) and a place (one of the Starbucks' in the CBD) and also a smiley face.
Honestly, how stupid does she think I am?
I didn't go.