Thursday, 24 May 2012

Good Intent

Apologies for the absence. I haven't really had anything to say.

I haven't been up to much. I ran into Evelyn again on monday- I was loitering around Albert Park and I found her with her kids. She lives nearby, apparently. I didn't stop to talk to her. Frankly, although she's pleasant enough, I don't trust her. He That Is has a bit of a history with sending female proxies after me, which is honestly a little insulting and also pointless. Proximity to He That Is does a real number on your libido, I think. Most of the proxies I knew back then, the ones that had been proxies over puberty or for a long time, weren't really interested. Also, I've seen back the trick before, trying it again is rather stupid.

I am probably going to die a virgin. I can't really bring myself to care. There are a lot of things I will never get to do, or be. There's no point dwelling on them now.

I am twenty-nine next month. It's just another number, really. I've never really done birthdays. I usually go and buy myself a piece of fudge from the shop up the road and eat it while watching Monty Python, just to commemorate living to see another year.

I wish I could help people, like I wanted to. Still want to. But in New Zealand, there's nobody I can really do anything for. I don't have the funds to go anywhere else.

A word of advice, though. The only people I know who really "won" against the monster were Vivi and Chester, and they don't remember. The ultimate fuck-you to the monster is to be happy. To keep living despite what's happening.

I try to take my own advice, with the best of intentions, but the fact that my life as it stands is pretty much defined by It is not really helping.


  1. If nothing else, H. You should experience it at least once. There're plenty of barflies out there looking for a good one night stand.

    If you don't keep on enjoying life, then what're we fighting for?

    Then again I'm not one to say anything. I spend most of my time absorbed in video games when I'm not trying to figure out what all this shit means.

  2. Thanks, Jedi, but I believe the phrase is "I can't be fucked."

    Haha. Can't be fucked. That's actually kind of funny.

  3. I prefer 'can't be arsed'. its odd enough that people might not understand it.

  4. H? You keep vanishing on me and its getting me worried.